The Night of New Year's Day

My head’s throbbing tonight
I wonder if it’s just thoughts that are trying to get out of my skull
I’m watching the television
So I wouldn’t even know what’s knocking around in there in the first place

So I make the brave valiant move and power my tv down
And the screen turns dark and there’s silence all around
And I sit with my headache on the night of New Year’s Day
Though New Year’s Eve’s has passed away
I swear things will be different in the next coming months
I’ve made the same vows before but lately things have changed
And I’m going to be a little better to myself this year

I think I wonder if I have truly loved another
Without any filters or screens
I mean did I bring my baggage to every sole encounter
To the women in my bed, the women in my dreams
I was brought into this world, kicking, crying
Like I didn’t want to be in here in the first place
Then I learned the art of defense and denying
And to protect myself at cost of life and limb
But it’s the night of New Year’s Day
And all past New Years melt away
And I am ready to love you, ready to love you baby this year

Smoking is the modern meditation
We’re in the age of the shortcut after all
And the shortest distance these days between my soul and God
Seems to run the length of the lighter in my hand
I know it’s junk, it’s trash, this philosophy of hash
And I know that I just need to sit and I’ll get there, live there
Breathe there and be there
Funny how when they say that it’s all about getting out of your own way
It may be a cliché but
It’s the night of New Year’s Day
And all that’s not mine is cast away
I don’t need that junk no more, I don’t need any of it this year

I’ve been three weeks now all alone
I didn’t think I could be alone
After all this time I was with you
But you quit your job and hit the beach
And I was so scared of you being that far from reach
But I have to tell you that I’m doing just alright
In fact I feel more like myself than I have in years
Though I hope that doesn’t bring you down to tears
Because I’ll say it once again
It’s the night of New Year’s Day
And I’m alone here but it’s quite okay
And I’m ready to love you in a straight-on way
Or toss this whole thing overboard
There’s no room on board for any extra baggage
And I’m traveling light this year

My headache’s lifting, the spear’s abating
There’s obviously something that’s been waiting
To be expressed to be enlivened
To be touched by the Breath of the Only God
And that Breath is only Breathed
When it has room to breathe
Outside the mind, outside the head
In the world of sunlight, dust and bread
In the world of moonlight and tires on a wet street
This Breath is just waiting to meet
What’s been waiting in my head
To bless that which is beauty
And to bless that which is ugliness
It’s the night of New Year’s Day
And I can’t even be sure what is the difference between
What is beautiful and what is ugly in my head
And it doesn’t really matter
Because this year, it will ALL be blessed

No one will ever believe you
You can’t fool anyone into believing you
If you don’t believe yourself
I tried over the 76,000 miles I flew
And drove and walked in my life
To convince people of life and to heal them
And love them in my own way
But when you’re full of shit and insecure
You don’t offer others any kind of cure
Because they won’t believe you
They won’t believe you
And I have hurt many people in my life
Mostly with words and with love turned away
A cold shoulder here and there
And a dagger pulled out of my hair
I have caused too much pain
I can only hope that my call for forgiveness reaches those ears
On this the night of the day of New Year’s
And I’m ready to start healing from within
And pass that on to her and him
All is forgiven in this New Year

I am the naked man just born
I am Adam after he ate the apple
And after he had time to recognize
That “Yes, I am naked, but so what!”
I am here to synthesize the Tree of Life
To the Tree of Knowledge
And to scream from the top of the Empire State Building
Rip off your clothes, take off your masks
Either love everything from your past
Or destroy it for your own sake
Or destroy yourself at the stake
And do it for your brother’s sake
Open your hearts, use your minds
then to fill that directive
You are your soul!
You are your soul!
I say it thrice so you will know
You are your soul!

My headache has turned into something else
Energy shifted to somewhere else
The hose was kinked and I popped the valve
Right here onto this digital page
I am not afraid right now
After three weeks alone
Things will be different
After 10 nights stoned
Things will soon change
I am here to love you in the best way I can
So, the tv is off
And maybe I’ll go jerk off
With not a shred of shame in my soul
Walk the dog a couple of blocks away
On this night of New Year’s Day
And fall asleep until tomorrow comes
I’m feeling good about what’s to come
On this night of New Year's Day